Short Funny Quotes

These short funny quotes are sarcastic, witty,
and sometimes contain hidden truths about life.

The more you can laugh at life's crazy moments, the better
you become at getting through them.

Blessed are the flexible for they
shall not be bent out of shape.

- Paul W Powell


Let's take a break, sit back and laugh at life's absurdity for a moment.

More quick reads: inspirational short quotes


Short Funny Quotes - Short Funny Quotes About Life

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me.
He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

- Rodney Dangerfield


Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone.

- Anthony Burgess


I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

- Steven Wright


short funny quotes
              Short funny quotes


A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

- Steve Martin


I don't suffer from insanity.
I enjoy every minute of it.

- Unknown


The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

- W. C. Fields


Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you.

- Joseph Heller


Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.

- Paul Terry


Short Funny Quotes - Funny Definitions

Egoist: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Tomorrow: a mystical land where 99% of all human productivity, motivation and achievement is stored.

Eternity: The last two minutes of a football game.

Consciousness: The annoying time between naps.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late - and late when you are early.


I have kleptomania. When it gets bad, I take something for it.

- Unknown


Seven days without laughter makes one weak.

- Mort Walker


I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

- Woody Allen


I hate patience. It slows everything down.

- J.D. Robb


Short Funny Quotes - Short Funny Quotes About Life


short funny quotes
              Short funny quotes


The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

- Will Rogers


Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.

- George Carlin


If voting made any difference they wouldn't let us do it.

- Mark Twain


Dear Math:

Please grow up and solve your own problems.
I'm tired of solving them for you.

- Unknown


Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.

- Lily Tomlin


If you haven't made any mistakes recently, you must be doing something wrong.

- Paulo Coelho


You are never too old to become younger.

- Mae West


Despite the high cost of living it remains a popular item.

- Uknown


I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

- Steven Wright


Today is the last day of some of your life.

- Unknown


You know, I'm sick of following my dreams.
I'm just gonna ask where they're going, and hook up with them later.

- Mitch Hedberg



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